College begins day after tomorrow. I have already bid farewell to Ranchi, I am done with the admissions process and my parents will leave me at the PG accomodation on 21st evening. I have packed my stuff and for the first time in my life, bothered with things like bank accounts, clutches, cupboard space and deadlines. I am utterly exhausted. My brain feels fried.
The unbelievably callous handling of the DU vs. UGC tussle over FYUP by the government (achche din yay!) caused a one week delay in announcing the cut offs for various constituent colleges of the university. On the evening of 1st July, I found out that I was one of those kids who were lucky enough to get through History Hons.at Lady Shri Ram(I got through Journalism and Sociology as well but I preferred History over the other two). Many things happened between the 1st and 3rd of July-a screaming match with the LSR office staff over my originals, some serious cross country running to fetch original marksheets, a trip to to the mall to buy formals for the St. Stephen's interview, a visit to Stephen's for the actual interview (which was really quite meh, my interviewers were eating pakoras), I was finally done with admissions at LSR on 3rd.
The unbelievably callous handling of the DU vs. UGC tussle over FYUP by the government (achche din yay!) caused a one week delay in announcing the cut offs for various constituent colleges of the university. On the evening of 1st July, I found out that I was one of those kids who were lucky enough to get through History Hons.at Lady Shri Ram(I got through Journalism and Sociology as well but I preferred History over the other two). Many things happened between the 1st and 3rd of July-a screaming match with the LSR office staff over my originals, some serious cross country running to fetch original marksheets, a trip to to the mall to buy formals for the St. Stephen's interview, a visit to Stephen's for the actual interview (which was really quite meh, my interviewers were eating pakoras), I was finally done with admissions at LSR on 3rd.
I love History very much. William Dalrymple's books and old buildings are two of my favourite things in the world. But I have always wanted to study one subject at the undergraduate level- English. My love for literature has been loyal and unflinching.
I was not getting English at either colleges. There was no chance of getting English at Stephen's since the day the college irreparably broke my heart after announcing their English cut offs. My 96% were 4 marks too less. I was hoping against hope that they would only raise their cut offs by 0.25 from last year's 95.75% but the cut offs shot up to 97% shattering my dream of studying English at St. Stephen's. I was eligible for the History Hons. interview. I remember how I had gazed at my laptop screen for ages when I saw the name St. Stephen's College in the sender's column of my mail after the completion of my application process. The second cut offs at LSR were equally disappointing, they declared their English cut off to be 96.5%. One evening later, I come to know that I have been accepted into St. Stephen's History Hons. as well.
I was not getting English at either colleges. There was no chance of getting English at Stephen's since the day the college irreparably broke my heart after announcing their English cut offs. My 96% were 4 marks too less. I was hoping against hope that they would only raise their cut offs by 0.25 from last year's 95.75% but the cut offs shot up to 97% shattering my dream of studying English at St. Stephen's. I was eligible for the History Hons. interview. I remember how I had gazed at my laptop screen for ages when I saw the name St. Stephen's College in the sender's column of my mail after the completion of my application process. The second cut offs at LSR were equally disappointing, they declared their English cut off to be 96.5%. One evening later, I come to know that I have been accepted into St. Stephen's History Hons. as well.
Now, St. Stephen's had been THE DREAM. I spent days and nights dreaming about studying in that college. It wasn't as though I was confident of getting the top colleges in the country, I had even applied for not-so-posh places like Christ University (no offence to Christ kids) and viewed St. Xavier's College, Ranchi as a possible option. I was threatened with the possibility of having Doranda College as an alma mater by my parents everytime I was glued to my phone instead of pouring over coursebooks. Hell, I even believed them.
St. Stephen's was almost like some secret fairyland. It was where I would escape to when the lessons in school got too boring or when I could not sleep. Now this place of my dreams was for real, it was so close. They wanted me. It was actually happening. The august institution felt that I was worthy of it. In moments like these, I would ideally flail my arms and scream (which I eventually did) but I was burdened with a weight so heavy on my shoulders, that I actually felt them crushing under it. My analysis of the previous year's trends had led to me to fairly accurately estimate that I would get English Hons. at LSR in the third list. I knew that I was going to get English in a college that was academically as prestigious as Stephen's, a college where I consider myself extremely lucky and blessed to have been accepted to but a college I didn't really dream of. Not because I considered it any less than Stephen's but because I was too busy fangirling over something else.
I almost did not want to get through the LSR third list now. It was too much, I wasn't expecting such a situation. It was a problem of plenty and I could not make this decision. The one time where I really wanted my parents to force their decision on me, they backed off and said ''No.'' I had to make a choice now. On 8th evening, the LSR third list was announced and I got through English. I was both pleased and troubled. Librans are supposed to suck at decision-making and here I was- testimony to claims made by jyotish types. By now, I had asked everyone for advice-parents, friends, teachers, my brother, seniors, cousins and even the parents of those friends. I was tossing coins, making multiple pros and cons lists and alternating between being a hyper energizer bunny and crying my eyes out because of the sheer mental stress this whole thing was causing me.
I realize my #ArtsKidProblems might seem more than ridiculous to far brighter kids who are struggling to get a decent medical college or those trying for Economics Hons. at DU but here I was, stuck in this awkward middle position, unsure of what I was going to do with myself.
''Ro rahi ho ki IIT Bombay le ya IIT Delhi aur baaki bacche tumko aise dekh rahe hain ki qatal kar de.''
-Raza Kazmi
I almost did not want to get through the LSR third list now. It was too much, I wasn't expecting such a situation. It was a problem of plenty and I could not make this decision. The one time where I really wanted my parents to force their decision on me, they backed off and said ''No.'' I had to make a choice now. On 8th evening, the LSR third list was announced and I got through English. I was both pleased and troubled. Librans are supposed to suck at decision-making and here I was- testimony to claims made by jyotish types. By now, I had asked everyone for advice-parents, friends, teachers, my brother, seniors, cousins and even the parents of those friends. I was tossing coins, making multiple pros and cons lists and alternating between being a hyper energizer bunny and crying my eyes out because of the sheer mental stress this whole thing was causing me.
I realize my #ArtsKidProblems might seem more than ridiculous to far brighter kids who are struggling to get a decent medical college or those trying for Economics Hons. at DU but here I was, stuck in this awkward middle position, unsure of what I was going to do with myself.
''Ro rahi ho ki IIT Bombay le ya IIT Delhi aur baaki bacche tumko aise dekh rahe hain ki qatal kar de.''
-Raza Kazmi
I guess a moment of clarity came when I started crying at the thought that I would not get to study English if I chose Stephen's but I still wasn't sure. My friends had opposing views, my family was putting on a very poor show of how they had no favourites when they obviously preferred Stephen's, one friend had told me about how LSR is sometimes called Ladies Stephen's Rejects, another one felt that saying no to Stephen's was a historic moment and my chance to tell them to stop being so full of themselves, somebody else was shoving the India Today Top Arts Colleges Rankings(where LSR stood No.1) in my face whereas I enjoyed torturing myself by going through the alumni list of both colleges-my head was literally spinning.
On the suggestion of a friend, I decided to speak to a voice of reason and meet a faculty member at St. Stephen's. My mom and I made our way to the staff quarters at St. Stephen's that hot afternoon and rang the bell of Dr. Rohit Wanchoo's (H.O.D, History Department) residence. In a supremely awkward moment the affable-looking Dr. Wanchoo, whom I recognized from my interview panel, stood at his doorway with a rather confused expression facing a girl who could hardly raise her voice to explain who she was and what she was doing at his residence along with her anxious-looking mother. He was fully within his rights to say, ''Well, what can I do about this?'' and turn my mom and me away. Instead, he invited us into his cosy and brightly decorated sitting room and I propped myself on a comfortable chair. There was this everyone's-favourite-uncle vibe to him as he sympathetically listened to my predicament. He explained what History Hons. would all be about and tried to help me judge whether I was better suited to English or History. He had no airs, there was nothing condescending or mean about him. He didn't try to impress upon me any ideas that Stephen's was the better college or that he looked down upon LSR. He also told me that Stephen's was definitely on top of the pecking order but, in the end, if I cared about what other people felt more than how much I loved my subject, I should join Stephen's but if English is my first love, I should go for LSR. He was even kind enough to help me out with administrative and technical aspect of the admissions procedure.
Finally, I chose to go for English Hons. at LSR. Many people will consider me foolish for choosing the course over the college, others will say I did the right thing. But frankly, I do not care anymore. I just know that English makes me happy in a way reading about the Harappans doesn't. I am not making a statement by ''rejecting'' Stephen's. I have the highest regard and esteem for the institution. The people I met there were extremely kind and helpful. I have decided to go for LSR simply because I am this girl who is happiest when she is curled in a corner, reading something and sighing over it. That was the motivation that drove me to make this decision. I am not kidding. Academically, both the colleges are at par. I am excited about LSR and what these 3 years hold for me.
On the suggestion of a friend, I decided to speak to a voice of reason and meet a faculty member at St. Stephen's. My mom and I made our way to the staff quarters at St. Stephen's that hot afternoon and rang the bell of Dr. Rohit Wanchoo's (H.O.D, History Department) residence. In a supremely awkward moment the affable-looking Dr. Wanchoo, whom I recognized from my interview panel, stood at his doorway with a rather confused expression facing a girl who could hardly raise her voice to explain who she was and what she was doing at his residence along with her anxious-looking mother. He was fully within his rights to say, ''Well, what can I do about this?'' and turn my mom and me away. Instead, he invited us into his cosy and brightly decorated sitting room and I propped myself on a comfortable chair. There was this everyone's-favourite-uncle vibe to him as he sympathetically listened to my predicament. He explained what History Hons. would all be about and tried to help me judge whether I was better suited to English or History. He had no airs, there was nothing condescending or mean about him. He didn't try to impress upon me any ideas that Stephen's was the better college or that he looked down upon LSR. He also told me that Stephen's was definitely on top of the pecking order but, in the end, if I cared about what other people felt more than how much I loved my subject, I should join Stephen's but if English is my first love, I should go for LSR. He was even kind enough to help me out with administrative and technical aspect of the admissions procedure.
Finally, I chose to go for English Hons. at LSR. Many people will consider me foolish for choosing the course over the college, others will say I did the right thing. But frankly, I do not care anymore. I just know that English makes me happy in a way reading about the Harappans doesn't. I am not making a statement by ''rejecting'' Stephen's. I have the highest regard and esteem for the institution. The people I met there were extremely kind and helpful. I have decided to go for LSR simply because I am this girl who is happiest when she is curled in a corner, reading something and sighing over it. That was the motivation that drove me to make this decision. I am not kidding. Academically, both the colleges are at par. I am excited about LSR and what these 3 years hold for me.
Jeffrey Eugenides says about Madeleine in The Marriage Plot, ''She'd become an English major for the purest and dullest of reasons: because she loved to read."
That holds true for me.
That holds true for me.
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